The One (souncreative) wrote,
The One

i can't believe it's been a year

today was opening day at the fair.
some notes on what i thought throughout the day, because they're too personal for facebook and i don't just want them all out there like that, for no other reason than to make me not feel like they're being judged.

i suppose i care way too much about what other people think of me.
cuz i really shouldn't. there's no real reason for me not to be an asshole.
in fact, it would probably help my business situations if sometimes i was less 'like me' in the regards to my calm demeanor.


1. i like puzzles. and one of my favorite ways of encountering problems is to gamify it into a sort of puzzle to solve, like tetris or dr. mario. i swear, video games really do teach you more than classrooms sometimes. for instance, at the fair, we like to keep the same color of lid separated from another of the same color. So we have to rearrange the tanks after each sale (if we're not busy with other customers) to match this perspective. I added to that this year that the gravels cannot be the same color either, and since it's only blue and red this year, that makes the possibilities much more limited, and the puzzle harder to solve. I don't know if other people approach things the same way mentally, but I swear, picturing the work like one big game of bejeweled seems to make the time go by a lot faster.

2. i try really hard to be liked by everyone i meet while 'on business mode'. i used to be a similar way in my social life, but much less limited. i would still be shy and quiet and reserved at events or parties unless really drunk (which i'm sure is why i drank so much for a bit, and still go back to it sometimes before social endeavors). but i'll just walk right up to people and try to be as helpful as possible and strike up conversations about things and play the whole role. and i don't do that in real social life at all. i never walk up towards anyone or really regard anyone as an actual person to be interacted with. i think i could blame miami a lot for that part of my personality, but who knows if there's also some personal nature back there besides the cultural nurture.

3. i don't fit in in this town. not that i ever have, but dammit, i try. i can't relate to most people here. my family's spread way out cross country, while most here have 3 generations in a house. they dance. they speak another language. it's so commonplace that i apparently didn't even notice that the top language in the new marlins stadium is in spanish, with english subtitles below it. i mean, i'm all for it, it's a great place to be alive and to see what all is happening to it. but it is a crazy city. stressy for sure. there's always TOO many things to do. you always feel like you're missing out on something awesome if you just relax, stay in, and watch a movie or tv shows. the energy is ecstatic here. winter music conference is right around the corner, drawing in all these wild characters to make this the electronic music's capitol for a bit. and that radiates everywhere. the fair is going on. miami's film festival is on. there's incoming money to the economy and as a business owner, that's a wonderful market to be in. as long as you're ready for it and can handle it.

anyway, just realized how tired i am. good chat, keyboard/myself.
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