i said i'd do new things, and i have.
it's probably best captured through my facebook, since i've been very social again lately, and that's where my social life lives.. glad they added timeline for this past year. it's awesome documentation of my adventures.
i don't know what my new years resolution is for this coming year, but i think it has to do with not being single anymore. it's been nice not having the responsibility or pressure of a relationship, but my patience with myself is waning. i also want to get in a better financial situation, pay off debts, and not have that dragging my mentality down.
it's been a year of transition for me, coming back into my old self, and discovering new bits along the way. now that i have come full circle, it's time to examine what's good and bad about the entire loop. the going out and partying and staying up till 4-7am is fun, but ultimately fruitless, at least in its current rendition, no matter what i may tell myself at the time.
i look forward to being on the soccer field more this year. that also puts me in a really good group of people that are in a better direction for me to go.
i love my current friends, but dammit, i need to get out. as it's been said, they can be toxic. i fool myself into thinking there might be something more there than there may be. and i'm a damn good convincer.
i should pick up the bass more, go out less, talk to other people less, until i get myself even better. the power i had when i first re-met aisha was that i was a much better person at that time. i've regressed some i think over the last 2 months, drawn back into that place. i need to quit facebook. at least, the way i use it. i have to just give it an hour per day, like 7pm-8pm where i can use it. otherwise, it's a constant 5-minute drain a few times a day and it cuts my focus drastically. i tell myself that it helps kill the monotony of the day, but really it's just a waste of my time, and i owe it to myself and my business to not do that. i'm sure it will only make me a better person overall anyway. more real reading, more self-improvement, more reflection/meditation, more anything else will surely be a better use of my time. by staying off facebook, it should focus more of my attention on the fish farm, too.. and i know i need that. i could do a lot better with what i've got here if i wasn't always distracting myself from it.
for being my year of new things, it's kind of appropriate that i would end up where i started years ago, same core friends, same activities, and all. i went to round up, i did edm shows, i rolled, i went to match.com events, i nofap'd, i read, i went out in naples, i met new people ever so briefly.. guess i'm already built by this point, but i have faith i can still get better, maybe not by spreading myself thin with new things, but by focusing on the most important things and really finding out what I want. i had a very strong potential relationship with lucy, but there were consequences i couldn't reconcile at the time and still can't, but that was another major part of my year.
and now that my letter to myself and to others have been written, i can close this post and get ready for tonight's festivities.